Hollywood Screenwriter & joke, blog, book, developmental editor, and general writing services

“I believe in words more than I do people. Words have meaning, whereby people are in constant search of meaning.” — Steven Alan Green

I have been writing ever since I was a little boy writing to Santa, who turns out was illiterate.

My credits are extensive and varied, my creativity and imagination are out of control and I've been recognized as "a really good writer" by some of the smartest writers, comedians and producers in Hollywood. I hire myself out to all sorts of clients, from the male psychiatric nurse who is a children's party clown and needs a structured show, to the car company who needs their website content more sparkly and interesting, to the retired school teacher in Ojai who wants to publish a book based on her family recipes to the retired aerospace engineer who has a great idea for a movie screenplay, to the newest and hottest young stand-ups who need material and improvement in their already solid set list.

CREDITS:

• Joke writer for several top L.A. club comedians. - current

• Joke writer for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show Starring Jay Leno.

• My jokes have been done on The Joan Rivers Show.

• Joke writer for Arsenio Hall on The Arsenio Hall Show.

• Joke writer for Roseanne Barr.

• Staff joke writer for Jimmy “JJ” Walker.

• Staff joke writer for The Frazer Smith Show on KMET and KLOS.

• Co-written feature length screenplays with and for Oscar winning producers and directors.

• Blog writer for several commercial sites.

• International Foreign Comedy Correspondent for The Fred MacAulay Show on BBC Radio Scotland.

• Popular blog writer for The Jewish Journal online (2012-2019).

• Ran a small international film production company in London.

• Host of Comedy Central UK’s “South Park Weekend”.

• 2016 appearance on Conan.

• “Legend” comedian from The Comedy Store.

• Dozens of satisfied ghost writing book clients.

• Multi-award winning filmmaker.

Read the first two chapters of my new science fiction satirical novel The Myth Council Handbook

OVERVIEW

I’m the person you may not know about, but need when you have a book or a screenplay in your head and just don’t have the time or know the exact process. I’ve worked with hundreds of clients whose ideas, first chapters and completed manuscripts are turned into something pristine, fun and salable. I work mostly as a ghost-writer, meaning I don’t get co-author credit, but that’s fine with me. My pleasure is seeing someone else’s book get published or film screenplay produced.

METHODOLOGY

Fun collaboration, to put it succinctly. We start out with a one hour phone or Zoom conversation. We’ll discuss your idea for your book, screenplay, or stand-up act and I’ll give you my initial thoughts. We’ll then agree to a short 6 week contract, whereby we have one one hour session a week, but we communicate over email and text and Messenger when one of us has a new idea. It’s basically a collaboration, as if we were a team working on the same project. However, I am the leader and teacher. Everything I tell you will be important and I need to know you’re going to at least listen. You can tell me I’m wrong or on the wrong track, and that’s okay. Because, you’re still my “boss”, the paying client. 100% of everything we/you/me write during the terms of the contract belongs to you. For books I charge a special fee for titles. Good titles are very important, especially these days when you want to immediately match your title with your domain name. Lock that sucker down!!

MONEY

(Deals, deals, deals! This week I’m a little cash poor so I’m very vulnernable to you taking advantage of my incredible talents and charming ways….)

Everything is negotiable in life. (It’s death where we have no choice!) But, basically is there’s a one-time fee for the first one-hour consultation phone/Zoom call. That fee is $175. After that, it all depends on what you’re hiring me to do.

STAND-UP

Each session is $150/hour session. If you buy a 12 week package (12 one hour sessions plus during the week communication) then the sessions drop to $125/hour session. So a 12 week package will cost you $1,500.

BOOK WRITING AND SCREENWRITING

The answer to this is “How long is a piece of string?” In other words, the price will depend on multiple factors. How much research is needed and how complicated a project. But, more than that than I can discuss here. Book collaborations generally cost anywhere from $5,000 and be as much as $35,000. Screenplay collaborations can cost as little as $10,000, but as much as $75,000. Message me and let me get a proper quote to you.

BLOGS & BIOS

I approach all bios as a film pitch.  I ask the client for 3 things: Their beginnings and inspiration, what they're doing now, and where they see themselves going.  I then write a one-page professional looking bio, but a bio with a life to it.  A bio with the "central character" as you. 

I wrote a comedy review blog/personal adventure journal for The Jewish Journal for 8 years, garnering enthusiastic fans on both sides of the Atlantic.  It's often personal and sometimes bizarre.  I also write blogs for people, entertainment websites and business websites.

LATEST BLOG

CONTRACT

All jobs are treated as contracts and I’ll send you a simple one-page contract, with a payment schedule and a “delivery date”, meaning when you can expect me to hand you back the first draft, for example. There’s always a bit of leeway, but my experience dictates it’s better for both of us to at least have a schedule to stick to.

ETHOS

YOU MAINTAIN OWNERSHIP OF EVERY IDEA CREATED AND WORD TYPED

YOU GET SOLE CREDIT FOR THE WORK WE CREATE TOGETHER

I MAKE ALL BOOKS “CINEMATIC” TO THE HOLLYWOOD READERS - Many films are books first; books not published yet!

I CREATE BOOK AND FILM TITLES

I AM CONNECTED IN THE HOLLYWOOD AND LONDON FILM WORLD

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY….

LET’S UNLOCK THAT GREAT IDEA OF YOURS, HAVE FUN, DO THE WORK AND GET IT OUT THERE!

I also build websites and write press releases.

MY PRIDE AND REPUTATION

Are both important to me.  Therefore, with every project I write for people?  My heart is in it as if it were my own and my name is going on it. I'm intense, detail oriented and yet, fun to work with.  

Quotes & Endorsements -

“SAG is a maven of comedy. He makes stream of consciousness look easy. He makes belligerence fun. He makes taking comedy seriously lighthearted. He makes me laugh.” -- Beth Lapides; creator and producer of Uncabaret (and Sex Goddess, IMHO)

“Steven Alan Green possesses the kind of writing that reminds you of when better writers were in the fore. He has a twist to the twist of phrase, that is his own. I am a big fan of his words.” -- Rick Overton, comedian & actor, HBO and Soderbergh’s, “The Informant”.

“Brilliant review of Ms. Karam’s tour de force, sir.” – Bill Zehme, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Playboy, Rolling Stone contributor and writer of the New York Times Bestseller, “The Way You Wear Your Hat: Frank Sinatra and the Lost Art of Living.”

“Enjoy the Veal is absolutely inspired stream of consciousness! Hysterical, funny, biting, insightful, grandiose. A surreptitiously diplomatic narrative smart enough to sanely and ultimately further his own self-interests. Green is a brilliant, but fatefully undisciplined comic genius, grabbing the baton, (i.e. QWERTY keyboard in this case) from the likes of Hunter S. Thompson and Norman Mailer (Think “Fire on the Moon”). Even if you don’t follow it all, it’s a wonderful runaway train ride consisting of his painful life experiences, his attitudes, observations and especially his misgivings. Kudos and hosannas!! About THAT, there are no misgivings on our part!” -- Danny & Joe, somewhere in England

“Steven Alan Green is ONE funny writer —— Everything I read of yours makes me laugh and think – Not just the kind words about me…But the insights you have for the Comedy racket….You’re Barbara Hershey, we are beaches. — The late Taylor Negron, actor, comedian, LATE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN modern-day icon

If you want to have a quick phone chat, please fill out the simple contact form below and I'll get back to you usually within 24 hours. 

Thanks and keep dreaming!

Steven Alan Green